May 4th

My past few weeks I feel I have made such progress in the inner workings of my self. I have been working on dissolving my distrust. Realizing as much of a trusting person I am, I have a lot of distrust that comes out in the form of control. I always try my very best to get a set outcome, thinking that “this is how things should turn out.” But I must set the goal, perceive the outcome but then let it go and let whatever needs to manifest through the intention to manifest. Trust is an action of the heart, while distrust is mechanism of the mind trying to cope with hurt, and pain. But as I so often teach. The heart’s strength is in its vulnerability. It needs to be break in order for us to learn about our self deeply. When we distrust someone or something it really is an example of us distrusting our self, not those around us. Tantric yoga philosophy teaches us that we are all a reflection of each other. So that means when we meet someone, and distrust them, we are simply being shown through them the distrust, the fear we have to believe in our self.
Last week I turned my work on distrust to finding the meaning of faith. I came up with this working definition. . . “Faith is the belief of something we cannot see, touch, feel, hear or smell. It’s the belief in life energy, the space between all things.” This I believe allows us to know that we can understand that everything that happens, happens with reason, even if we cannot see it. There are lessons in every experience. So rather then resting in pity or negativity, rest in the space and embrace that we are hear learning. Everything is a new experience. For instance you have never been in front of your computer screen reading this blog entry before on this date in 2011. . . . nor will you every be here again. . . but I’m sure you can learn something from this moment. Even if life seems tough. When we believe we can get through anything, growing and becoming a stronger more authentic version of our self.

My current work this week is on harmony. . . as I meditated Sunday night on this. . . I realized I am not to sure what exactly harmony means. I’m play with the idea that it is having peace with the play of balance in ones life. Just like harmony with music. For harmony to be in our lives we must respect the dark parts as well as the lighter parts, and hold peace with both. That is rest calmly, being present and not forcing the removal of one or the other. Balance is not something that stays. On our mats in balance poses, we know that our stability in each pose changes from day to day, hour to hour. Just like in society, balance/equality will never stay but a constant project we work on and figure out how we can hold the space for it. It's about feeling and being present to the pulsation of life.